Life, Adoption, and DNA Testing

Hello!

For those of you still reading this blog (Hi, Mom), I'm still monitoring comments and such. Family life, college, medical admin job, quitting, kids moving out, and starting my own business....life happened.

Lately, I have been "rabbit-holing" down the DNA testing vortex.

My husband was adopted and we wanted to see his genealogical roots. In the process, we did a DNA and chose not to tell his adoptive parents. We didn't want to hurt them, and to be aware of a sensitive topic. I love my in laws and where I've never been in their shoes, they also haven't been in my husband's. They are amazing, loving, wonderful people and the last thing we want to do is be careless and insensitive to their feelings. They are irreplaceable. This said, we did find his biological mother through DNA testing. We linked a 3rd cousin researching the tree. 

Along with what we do know, legal paperwork, and other multiple DNA matches to other maternal family antecessors, we have a 100% match. However, we only wanted to see if biological family was interested in a relationship. Our thoughts are this: if she is in denial or doesn't want a relationship, contacting his biological Mom is a closed door.

So it goes, Bio Mom denies having had a child. The time frame and circumstance of my husband's birth fits in her life timeline but again, she denies it all. We did gain some awesome maternal cousins along the DNA way. We do not want to drop family secret bombs on anyone. As such, we are content to let sleeping dogs lie. (no pun intended). We have no idea who bio Dad is (bio Mom worked for the airline, he could be anywhere) or if Bio Dad even knows he is a father of a(nother) child.

Think of a reverse DNA search as doing a 1000 piece puzzle, with no distinct picture. All round pieces. I need just some kind of triangulation or help to get any answers.

I have the closest link to a 2nd paternal cousin who isn't responding to emails. I've found several 3rd cousins who have been amazingly helpful. There is a common thread of ancestors, so I hope a first cousin or closer relative gets DNA tested. I knew nothing a year and a half ago. Things could change.

If you have questions about the research process, testing, emotional ups or downs, or even need a boost in doing this yourself, my best advice is you can only try but also prepare for a dead end.

I'm open to answer questions. Leave a note in comments or email me directly.

- Bee is listening to Suddenly The Trees Are Giving Away by Ulrich Schnauss